YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
