There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
