check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
