That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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