Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
