did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
