dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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