wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
