wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
sex in a hospital.. check
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
