I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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