Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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