Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
