are you still at the devil's house?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
