Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
