Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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