i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
