i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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