Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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