Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
