You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
