I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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