ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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