you would pick up someone in the library
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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