Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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