I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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