Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
