I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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