I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
