I'm lost and stupid without you.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
