His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
