So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
