GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
