I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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