He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
