Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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