I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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