Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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