i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This is classic penis vs brain.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
