Rock
Scissors
Fuck
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
