it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
