Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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