i will never coherently bang her
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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