do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
