you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
