I CAN MOONWALK!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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