new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
