OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
