just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So vagazzling was a success
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
