I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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