This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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