I'm so fucking centered right now
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
