she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
