someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
This baby is an asshole
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
