An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
